Mysteries of Football

Many things happened this football weekend that I simply do not understand.

How did Washington lay that ridiculous beatdown on Stanford on Friday night?

How did the Patriots get shutout by Buffalo?

How did – and this one’s not a complaint – how did the Rams get to 3-1 after that terrible loss in the first week, and how did Carolina get to 1-3 after going to the Super Bowl last year?

How did MackAttack FiveDeuce score 107 points with a team comprised of about 50% Oakland Raiders?

How did I still beat him?

What – what?


Mic. Drop.

Our long national nightmare is over, people. I have won my first fantasy football matchup.

And I’m not even done yet – I still have Kyle Rudolph yet to play in Monday Night Football. But my opponent’s players are all done, and my score is already higher than his, so… it’s over. We can call it. I won! I WON!!!

I almost feel bad, because everything went right for Mr. FiveDeuce. I mocked his fantasy football abilities, but he had a surprisingly strong performance. Derek Carr had a very commendable game, scoring 23 points. Christine Michael and Emmanuel Sanders had 14 points each, both beating their projections even if they didn’t get the same insane scores as they had in Week Three. Michael Crabtree was out of his mind, catching 3 TDs and earning 26 points. Martellus Bennett, in a game where Rob Gronkowski was back, in a game where the Pats as a whole were terrible, had 10 points. MackAttack almost can’t look at his roster and see what mistakes he’d need to fix in order to have beaten me. (I say almost because he has Matt Ryan on his bench, who has been a monster so far this year and earned 35 points today. That 12 point swing would have him comfortably up on me. But Ryan’s not a Raider and Carr is, so we all knew that wouldn’t happen – and I doubt MackAttack will take that lesson to heart.)

My score, however, is insane. It’s the highest in my league this week – one competitor is one point behind me at 108, but with all his players completed, and one competitor is at 98 with one more player left to go, but his kicker isn’t going to make up 11 points on me plus what my tight end will do. I had solid production from every single slot except one, and even that one I don’t feel too sad about. Two touchdowns from Melvin Gordon, a touchdown and 130+ yards from Ezekiel Elliott, a touchdown from Frank Gore. Three TDs thrown by Kirk Cousins. A TD by the Texans defense, for crying out loud. The only guy who didn’t deliver was Jamison Crowder, who only gave me 2 points, but I had him in for Julian Edelman, who earned 1, so it was still a good tradeoff. Add to that the 23 points A.J. Green earned on Thursday night and I am a happy fantasy owner.

So the Patriots go 3-1 during Tom Brady’s suspension, and I go 1-3. I think we’ll both be glad to have Brady back for Week Five, however. I think we both expect domination then. I could still work on my WR corps, as beyond A.J. Green none of them are really performing as standouts, but Brady’s return should help Edelman too, so I’ll probably let it ride on him for a week or two and see how it goes.

But that’s a decision for later in the week. For now, I’m a winner, and it feels damn good!

Thanks for sticking with me through the hard times, Team BlueAndGold fans. Now, join me in lifting a glass of your favorite beverage (I’m on an airplane right now, so it’s ginger ale for me) and toasting my success!

And it’s on to the next one!


2 thoughts on “Mysteries of Football

  1. Whoa, 0-3 start and then top scorer this week. I think we have a sleeper here! Congrats on the win.

    BTW, I completely fell for your trap… FiveDeuce scored 107 and I knew it was 0-4 for Team BlueandGold. Well done!


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